I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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