i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
