she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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