Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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