i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
