Moan for me like Helen Keller
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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