If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
