Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
