Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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