I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
