We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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