Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
