I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
