i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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