were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
