I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
