Can i not drive my cunt home
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
