I don't usually arrange sex via text message
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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