Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
