He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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