this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Are we still banned from the library?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
