Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
