Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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