He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
