I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
