Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Every concussion has its silver lining
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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