I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
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