does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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