Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
