Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Randomize
