Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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