hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
