Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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