yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
