My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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