this boner is exhausting
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
