Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
farters have to be the big spoon...
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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