Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
