hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
