I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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