I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Randomize
