South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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