More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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