Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
