i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
