Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
