I smell stomach acid.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
