i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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