i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
zippers are such a cool invention
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
