I cannot find my penis.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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