You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
