Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
