I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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